I am not. When I didn’t listen to my body’s gentle whispering that I ought to slow down, it started poking me.
Wake up! You’re over doing it. You’re off balance. The louder it got, the more I believed I needed to do. And I did. And I got sicker…
The tricksy side of the ego is that, based on childhood/social/cultural programming it wacks hard when a core value of who you are is “ not good enough”. Since we are a product of our society, what is of value is the template. In generalizing, looking outward and living, I see, like most do, the more stuff, the better. Is this true? You know the truth. (Most folks on their death bed don’t lament how they wish they had more stuff.)
Since, most of us, unless you have fairly awake parents, have been modelled if not outright told not to trust our gut feelings it may take very loud communication to heed what is apparent. Take heart, it’s okay as our greatest challenge has the potential to be our most significant and uplifting gift to self (and others).
Coming out of weeks, lucky me, only weeks of illness, low energy and not even a teaspoon of creativity, I am returning to my most amazing talent, the plasticity of the mind. My head is less foggy, ideas surface, words are at my fingertips. (Although as I am my own proofreader, I need to return a day or so after I make a post, to correct the obvious (in hindsight) typos.)
This time I have opened the experiential gift, if something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Physical me recognized this with the illness now conscious me is determined to remember it. (Note to self, handwritten, listen to your body.) I simply needed to rest, needed to look at my programming of “doing more and doing it right now and doing it perfect.” (Yikes, what a set up for a fall down!)
Yes, it is true that this very body, this very mind is the laboratory. I am reminded to experiment, experience but pay attention. Remember hard earned lessons, experiments that have gone astray. Above all, don’t forget to play. Give the body a break.
I am grateful. Outside, the last day of May 2019, sunny and warm. Flowers blooming, soft music playing, me tapping away on this keyboard, attempting to translate feelings and ideas into words. In this moment, it can’t be any better then this. (And as I laugh at the rather odd typos, it can’t get any better then correcting this.)
I feel like Super Sparky looks. Soaring.